Perspective…Choices

I can’t believe it is already my birthday month! It’s JULY!!!! If you can’t tell, I am very excited about it. While this year is not a milestone birthday, I really want to celebrate this year of life. Over this past year I have been confronted with a lot of realities, most recently, that hurt. Most of those realities have given me a different perspective on my life thus far and where I really want to see it head moving forward. I share this blog today with you so that you may choose your reality too, and understand all that choice can bring with it, the good, the bad, and the ugl…beautiful.

I have spoken a lot about perspective, and how it can shape outcomes in your life. And I am not saying that positive thinking leads to positive results. While there is some truth in that saying, this is not my point. The perspectives that we have about our lives shifts the course of our lives dramatically. Think about it this way: Two people can look at the same painting and have two different feelings and thoughts about the same painting. There are even some paintings that are meant to have you look at them and one person will say that they see one thing, while another will see something else entirely. This even works with colors. It is fascinating. Here’s the thing though. Lately, I have encountered more than one person who is either dealing with suicidal thoughts, or had someone die close to them by suicide. This has hit me harder emotionally than I expected. In this stage of my life, I am so much more empathic toward others. I remember situations in my own life, and feel the feelings from those situations, as if I didn’t feel them when the situation happened the first time. And it’s so random. At least it feels that way. But maybe it’s not. Choosing to not feel in the past on certain things, definitely impacts me now more emotionally. It shows me that maybe I haven’t healed from that event that occurred, or maybe I just need to feel through the event to get through it fully. When I was younger my brain allowed me to use logic to rationalize my behavior, and “not feel” the hard things, because it was all “just too much” to handle at the time. Now, that I am allowing myself to feel, taking down some of my “protective walls,” the floodgates are open and it’s crying season. And who wants to be crying during their birthday month. It’s cool though. I accept crying as a natural form of release that is required for healing.

In this past year, I have lost a major contract for my business. I recognize the loss of connection that I feel to friends. My google photos definitely reminds me regularly of the friends I have lost…good grief. (Yes, I know I can change the settings.) I’ve lost my desire to be in large crowds of people. I used to love festivals. I’ve lost some belief in my abilities to truly be a person that helps someone heal. I just shed a few tears while even writing this, but I write because I know that this is a process of healing for me. Facing yourself and the inner critics is a necessary part of “doing the work.” Avoidance is easy. Full on challenge is hard. The good news is that I can still see the good news. I have curated a life for myself that I am super proud of every day. I have made choices that feel right. When you feel like your choices are never right, it is hard to see the good news. Thinking in extremes is a perspective that is harmful to you. Saying “NEVER” as it relates to what you have done, or can’t do is a hard blow to the self-esteem. Life isn’t black and white. Just as life is full of the many shades of the rainbow, life is full of emotions too. While the extremes exist, it doesn’t mean that they all serve you in any way. Happiness in the extreme can be just as bad as sadness in the extreme. Change is the only thing that is inevitable. (And if you thought about Thanos as you read that last sentence, you are my type of person). There are times when people feel like they are stuck in life, and there is no way out of the situation that they are in. This is thinking in extremes. This is where connection matters. People need to be able to express how they feel to others, without the worry about judgement from them. Sometimes people need help with thinking through solutions, and sometimes, they just need a non-judgemental listening ear to hear them out. The no-judgement part is the hardest for most people. This blog isn’t about how to help someone through suicidal thoughts, so I will save all those details, and ask that you view my podcast on how to help or take QPR Suicide Prevention Training.

Life is full of choices. Your perspective on those choices and the way you react to those choices all make such a difference. I could spend time wallowing in my grief about all the things I have lost lately. I could think negatively about my self and the choices that I have made in my life. How does any of that serve me though? I want to celebrate another year around the sun because of my perspective on my choices, and because I recognize that I am allowed to feel anything. It is my action to those feelings that make all the difference. My chosen reaction to all of this change and revelation: CELEBRATION. Why you may ask. Well, mostly because of my FAITH and resilience. My faith in God helps me to recognize that I can do all things through Christ. My resilience helps me to get back up from the setbacks and push on in this hard life. Having a connection to a higher power helps, and finding your own level of resilience is vital to your mental health. Choose joy. Choose love. Choose happiness. All of these are within reach for all of us.